Thank you and thank you for the reference to Bowen’s theory. For non-work related things I use a metaphor of writing a script to my movie only, can’t write it for others. I can be a character in there, but not the main one.
Yes, the "shadow maintainer" framing is sharp, that's exactly what happens. And you're spot on that stepping back can feel almost neglectful at first. That discomfort is sooo real.
I've seen the "you touch it, you own it" mantra play out across a lot of companies. It works when it teaches responsibility for what you add aka skin in the game. But it breaks when it means inheriting the whole system with its quirks and skeletons. I've learned to be explicit when extending something: "I'll own what I add here, but I can't be responsible for this orphan." Otherwise you end up maintaining code you don't control, for systems you didn't design, with priorities you don't set.
Personally, not taking ownership of the circuses I see is one of the toughest things I had to learn. Took me decades to understand the dynamic: if I take it, I'm an enabler. If I don't, short-term results might be bad and I'll feel like I let someone down — usually myself.
That feeling of letting someone down is visceral for me — I mean gut-level, physical discomfort. But it passes. It gets replaced by recognition that sometimes it has to hurt to get rid of a systemic issue. The short-term pain is the only forcing function that makes the actual owners prioritize the real fix. If you keep absorbing it, they never have to.
Thank you and thank you for the reference to Bowen’s theory. For non-work related things I use a metaphor of writing a script to my movie only, can’t write it for others. I can be a character in there, but not the main one.
Yes, the "shadow maintainer" framing is sharp, that's exactly what happens. And you're spot on that stepping back can feel almost neglectful at first. That discomfort is sooo real.
I've seen the "you touch it, you own it" mantra play out across a lot of companies. It works when it teaches responsibility for what you add aka skin in the game. But it breaks when it means inheriting the whole system with its quirks and skeletons. I've learned to be explicit when extending something: "I'll own what I add here, but I can't be responsible for this orphan." Otherwise you end up maintaining code you don't control, for systems you didn't design, with priorities you don't set.
Personally, not taking ownership of the circuses I see is one of the toughest things I had to learn. Took me decades to understand the dynamic: if I take it, I'm an enabler. If I don't, short-term results might be bad and I'll feel like I let someone down — usually myself.
That feeling of letting someone down is visceral for me — I mean gut-level, physical discomfort. But it passes. It gets replaced by recognition that sometimes it has to hurt to get rid of a systemic issue. The short-term pain is the only forcing function that makes the actual owners prioritize the real fix. If you keep absorbing it, they never have to.