What I’m not promising next year
Anti-resolutions on leadership, change, humor, and why knowing what not to promise matters just as much as knowing what you’ll stand for.
It’s that time of year when we’re supposed to reflect on the year behind us, assuming we have the time. Then we’re expected to come up with New Year’s resolutions.
In my role, there’s often an unspoken expectation that I should change people.
I don’t believe that’s how humans work.
I can influence. I can support. I can create conditions.
But I can’t change people. And I definitely can’t make them.
People change themselves, if and when they want to.
But I write. I write for you as much as for myself.
If you’re reading this, there’s a chance something here might resonate. Not because I can change you, but because sometimes recognition is enough to start change, if you think you need it.
In case you don’t know me enough, I’m a very funny person. At least to myself.
I’ve also been told many times that jesters don’t get credibility. I can’t fully disagree. So I learned to be selective with humor.
I didn’t stop being myself, though.
A bit of vulnerability here.
A bit of goofiness there.
My team members laugh now. They didn’t at the beginning.
This is one of the moments where I’m letting a little more of my humorous self through. Not cynicism. Just enough humor to tell the truth cleanly.
In this spirit instead of making promises I can’t keep, I’m going to do something much safer.
I’m going to avoid promising the things I shouldn’t promise in the first place.
I’m going with anti-resolutions.
So… here comes nothing.
Things I’m NOT promising next year
I don’t promise to:
actively seek new circuses to manage
hoard all the monkeys into my own zoo
oversee every little detail my team members work on and then still do it myself
produce only perfect work
be the perfect leader everyone admires and agrees with 100% of the time
always have the right answer
stop writing posts here on Between Code and Culture
take everything too seriously, especially work, life, and problems in general
run on hero mode and call it leadership
promote martyrdom
say yes just because I can technically make it work
protect people from consequences they need to learn from
take silence for agreement
What I DO promise
I’m still going to make mistakes.
I’m just not promising to make the same ones out of habit, ego, or politeness.
And I’m still going to write about them.
One more thing I do promise
As a woman in tech, I will keep encouraging other women to speak up, be visible, and take up space without asking for permission first.
Not in an adversarial way — in a persistent way.
The kind that gently nudges when needed.
The kind that notices when someone hesitates.
The kind that reminds you you don’t need consensus to be courageous.
I will encourage courage over politeness.
Clarity over likability.
Presence over quiet competence.
I’ll keep reminding them, and myself, that bravery doesn’t have to be loud, courage doesn’t require consensus, and being told off is not the same as being wrong.
I’ve seen how quickly confidence gets labeled, how often competence gets questioned, and how many times “wait your turn” really means “don’t make it uncomfortable.”
I’ll take this circus and its monkeys anytime of the day.
If it’s not obvious, I’m talking about women in tech.
And with this, I’m not kidding.
